That Famous Dead Guy
by Nyades Road Ghost
Summary: One night - lots of different points of view. Our Scoobies (and Andrew) see the First in forms you might not have expected. *Chapter Five* Donnie Darko, anyone?
1. Buffy's Experience

DISCLAIMER: The idea of Buffy and all doesn't belong to me, my family, my friends, or anyone I even remotely know. Don't sue or anything.

RATING: G. I mean, it's Elvis. How bad could it be?    

SUMMARY: Buffy sees the First in a form you might not have expected.

STATUS: Well, I just thought it'd be a fun idea. It's probably gonna be a one chapter thing unless you wanna see more famous dead people.

REVIEWS: Yes, please? Tell me if you like it, and, if you don't, just don't read it.         

SPOILERS: Anything up through this latest episode. I'm an American viewer.

That Famous Dead Guy 

Buffy was patrolling as she usually did. Spike was training the Potentials back at her house and Andrew was, sadly, helping him out. She hadn't seen any signs of the First all night.

"This is boring. I might as well go home." She said to herself aloud. She turned around and was face to face with none other than- "You!"

"Wha?" Said the figure. She stood back and observed this new guy. He had a horrible hair do and a white jump suit. And, for some odd reason, he was carrying a microphone.

"You're that famous dead guy!"

He looked offended. "I'm Elvis Presley, ma'am."

"Yeah, him. I loved your work!"

"Thank ya, thank ya very much." He flashed a smile.

"That one story you did, The Tell-Tale Heart or whatever, was great!"

"Uh, I sang songs, little lady."

"Sorry." She apologized.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

"Hey, aren't you dead?"

"No. I'm livin' in Iowa makin' crop circles for a livin' now." He laughed. "I never told you that, alright?" He said a bit more seriously.

Buffy nodded. "I see."

"Oh, oh yeah." He just remembered something. "I'm supposed to tell you, you're gonna turn to the dark side. Ok?"

"Wait, You're evil, aren't you?"

"No, no ma'am…" He looked around nervously. "Oh, and that boyfriend of yours? He should be evil too. Got it?"

"Actually, I'm gonna kill you now." She staked him and cut off his head in one swipe. "Huh." She said. "It actually killed him." She walked away. "THAT was weird." She thought to herself. She turned and walked home.


	2. Andrew's Experience

Buffy had gone out to slay and left Andrew at her house. Training with Spike and the Potentials. Or so she thought…

"Ha, I can't believe how great I am! I tricked Buffy and all that stuff…man, I may even be cooler than Xander." Andrew did a little happy dance and continued his walk through the desolate night. "I'll show her I can take anyone on. I'm headstrong to take on anyone…" He laughed as he said this last sentence. "That's a song." He continued to laugh and it turned into a cough. "Man, it's cold. Maybe I could just turn around and do this some other-," He was cut off as he tripped over a foot in the middle of the road. He stood up and brushed himself off. "Ow." He said and then realized there was someone standing in front of him. "Hey, watch where you're going." 

"Je suis désolé, monsieur." (Loosely: I am very sorry, sir.) The man said.

"Yeah, you- wait, what?"

"Vous pouvez me comprendre?" (You understand me?)

"Dude, stop speaking French!"

"Que?" (What?)

"Are you lost or something?"

"_Lost_?" He said in a thick accent. "Je ne suis pas _lost_. Suis je?" (I am not lost. Am I?)

"You're really confusing me, man. Do you know your name?" Upon the man's odd look he tried to remember what he had learned in French back in high school. "Uh…_Quel est votre nom_?" (Which is your name?)

"Napolean." He answered with pride. "Et vous?" (And you?)

"Et vous…et vous…oh, yeah. _My_ name is," He said each word loudly and slowly. "_Andrew_."

"Je ne suis pas sourd, vous l'idiot!" He roared. (I am not deaf, you idiot!) 

"Woah, calm down there, buddy." He gave a nervous laugh. "We're not mad at each other, k? How bout this: I'll take you to the police station. We can, uh, do something there." He cautiously took hold of his arm and began to walk. The man shook him off.

"No. _Je_ fais des décisions parce que je suis grand. Vous devenez diabolique. Consenti?" (Something like: No. _I _make decisions because I am great. You become evil. Agreed?)

"Ok, how about we do the hand game? This," He make his two fingers walk across his palm. "Means walk. We," He pointed to himself, then Napolean. "Walk." The finger thing. Napolean stood there and scratched his head. 

"Ceci ne travaille pas si bien. J'irai maintenant, mais bientôt je reviendrai. Je suis diabolique. Vous comprenez ceci?" (This isn't working so well. I will go now, but soon I will return. I am evil. You understand?"

"Um, what ever happened to the hands?" He smiled and wiggled his fingers.

He sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. "Qu'un idiot." (What an idiot.) He put his hands on Andrew's shoulders and Andrew stared nervously at them. "J'espère que vous ne réussit pas bien parce que je suis mauvais." (I hope you do not fare well because I am bad.) With that he turned into a big puff of smoke.

"Alright." Said Andrew shakily. "I-I guess he wasn't a good guy." He looked around him. "I think I'll see what Spike's up to." He turned and ran the other way back to the Summers' house.

_Author's note:  Sorry if I didn't use some of the French words correctly. I was using an online translator. (www.freetranslation.com)  Did you like it? Do you think I should stop before someone gets hurt? Feedback, if you will, please._


	3. Jennifer's Experience

NOTE: This one is in script form because…well, I just felt like writing it that way.

(Scene starts out, random Potential walking into the kitchen. She finds a box of cereal, bowl, spoon, milk, begins to complete meal when a man pops up.)

GIRL: Ack! Andrew, remember Buffy told you to-

MAN: Andrew? Buffy? Wha?

GIRL: Oh, sorry…I thought you were someone else. Are you going to move in too?

MAN: Uh…no. (Beat) You don't recognize me, do you?

GIRL: Well, you look sort of like that guy from Cruel Intentions.

MAN: Yeah, I was in that. I'm Sebastian Valmont.

GIRL: (Raises eyebrow) Is that the guy in Cruel Intentions?

SEBASTIAN: Yes.

GIRL: So you're that guy?

SEBASTIAN: Bingo.

GIRL: And you're name is Sebastian?

SEBASTIAN: Uh huh.

GIRL: Like that crab?

SEBASTIAN: (Laugh) I guess.

GIRL: Huh.

SEBASTIAN: So what's your name?

GIRL: I'm Jennifer.

SEBASTIAN: Well, hello Jennifer. Mind if I call you Jenni?

J: Yeah, I do.

S: Ok. Here's the deal, Jenni. I - 

J: I thought you were a made up character.

S: Do I look real?

J: (Pause) Well, yeah.

S: So I am.

J: What if I'm schizophrenic?

S: You're not.

J: How do you know?

S: Because my mom's a shrink.

J: Oh. (Beat) So…why are you dressed like that?

S: What do you mean?

J: Well, the book that movie was based on was a French book back in like, the 1700s. If you were real it seems like you'd be wearing old clothes.

(S rolls his eyes and then lots of smoke appears then goes away. Very dramatic. Now he's dressed like a French noblemen.)

S: Better?

J: Well, not really. Now you just look gay.

S: But you said – 

J: I didn't tell you to change.

(S let's out a sigh of frustration.)

S: Let's move away from the clothes, k?

J: Ok.

S: So you know this slayer girl?

J: Uh…Buffy? Faith?

S: Either one. You pick.

J: Ok…Faith.

S: Alright then. Let's go with Faith. Can I let you in on a little secret?

J: If you mean you're going to expose yourself – 

S: No! I –

J: Don't tell me you weren't thinking about it.

S: I wasn't! I was thinking – 

J: You were thinking how vulnerable I looked.

S: Listen to me, ok? 

J: Why should I when all you're thinking about is exposing yourself and – 

(S claps hand over J's mouth) 

S: Faith is bad. She's trouble. So is…you know, Britney or whatever. 

(J mumbles something. He takes his hand off)

What?

J: It's Buffy.

S: Oh, right. Her. Both of em. Kill em for me. Ok? Do you like puppies?

J: That was kind of random.

S: Do you? If you manage to kill them I'll buy you one. Or are you a cat person?

(J smiles) 

What is it now?

J: I know what you are.

(S looks around frantically)

S: Uhhh…what, what would that be, exactly?

J: You're that guy from 54!

(S looks relieved)

S: No, that was my brother. But do you get what I'm saying?

(J begins poking him with spoon)

Aag! What the hell are you doing?

J: I'm poking you with a spoon.

S: But why?

J: Because you're ugly.

S: (Looks hurt) What?

J: Well, that and you're evil.

(J begins poking harder)

S: Gaaah!

J: I will start on the hair if you don't leave.

S: Fine! Fine! I'll do anything…just not the hair!

(S disappears in puff of smoke. ENTER Spike.)

SPIKE: Hey, luv? Who were you talking to?

(J looks at camera, then back at Spike)

J: Oh, no one.

END


	4. Spike's Experience

NOTE: Thanks for the Kurt Cobain idea. I'm just so scared I'll screw this up and he – well, his ashes in the Wishkah – will be rolling over with shame and be all angry at me. He is my idol. He's the coolest guy I know. So Kurt fans, please do not take offense. With that said, here we go…

_That Jennifer bird sure was an odd one_, Spike thought as he made his way outside for a cigarette. _She's not right in the head_. He pulled his pack of smokes out of his pocket, lit one and took a few puffs as he collected his thoughts. He was just realizing that he hadn't seen Andrew in a few hours when a voice came out behind him.

"Hey," It whispered. "You with the hair. Come here." _Man, that voice sounds familiar_, He thought. _Where have I heard it before_? He turned around

"Are you talking to-," He cut off, realizing who he was talking to. He ripped the cancer stick out of his mouth in surprise. "Kurt Cobain? Is that who you are?"

"Yeah, that's me. How'd you know without me telling you?" He whispered again.

"Well, duh." Spike said like it was completely obvious. "You're a rock star. Everyone knows who you are."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Jesus. Why does everyone say that? I am _not _a rock star. I'm just a guy from Seattle."

"Yeah, who happened to be on MTV 24/7 until you – ," He paused. "Didn't you…you know…" He made his fingers in a gun shape and put it to his temple.

"Shoot myself? Nah. I'm…I'm a vampire now."

"Really? You are?"

"Uh huh. But don't tell anyone. Courtney'd kill me if she found out I'm still around."

"Why don't you go and say hi? She is your wedded wife, after all. And don't you have a kid, too?"

"Oh…well…uh…I…I didn't think about it, I guess."

"So what have you been up to nowadays?" 

"Oh…y'know…vampire stuff. And tracking Dave, that lucky bastard. He's still at it."

"Foo Fighter Dave, eh? Yeah, he sure is making a living." There was a long pause. "You want a smoke?"

"Nah. I had to give it up."

"It's not like it will kill you."

"I said no. Don't pressure me."

"Fine. Have it your way."

"So…you married to anyone? Maybe a blond girl like mine?"

"I gotta girl, yeah. Buffy."

"That's cool."

"The Slayer," he put in. "Y'know, the girl who kills our kind. She'll probably come after you soon."

"But I could probably convince her that I faked the whole death thing to sell records. Then I could kill her."

"Why would you want to do that? You haven't even met her before."

"I'm sure I could kick her ass any day. I hear she was a cheerleader." He shivered.

"And?"

"Well, it's just that I've got this hatred for jocks and their girlfriends."

"Why is that?"

"Seriously…have you never heard Smells Like Teen Spirit or Come as You Are?"

"Well, yeah. Who hasn't?"

"It's about people like her and how they contradict themselves and how society sucks. I thought you of all people would get that."

"Sorry. I just think she's hot."

"So you'd never…I don't know…kill her?"

"Nope."

"Not even if I wrote a song for you?"

"Huh uh."

"Not even if I admitted I was a rock star?"

"Well…" He paused and scratched his chin. "No. I don't think so."

"It was worth a try."

"Wait a second…you're the First, aren't you?"

"Um…hey, I wrote All Apologies! Wasn't that a great song?" He laughed nervously while Spike eyed him suspiciously. 

"I would kill you if you weren't so…thin. It'd be mean. Plus you're Kurt Cobain. So go away and don't come back, alright?"

"Well…f*** you too!" And he was gone.

He laughed a victory laugh to himself, then stopped suddenly, his face falling. "Damn!" Spike shouted into the night. "Why didn't I ask for his autograph?" 


	5. Faith's Experience

NOTE: Anyone out there seen 'Donnie Darko'? If you haven't, let me clear this up for you (which is kind of hard seeing how complicated and layered the plot is): Frank is a guy in a demonic bunny suit that tells the main character, Donnie, that the world will end in 28 days, 6 hours, forty-two minutes, and twelve seconds. There're a few important scenes with him in the fourth dimension (made of water) and a movie theater scene and well…I guess you have to see the movie, really. And also: Please review! Thanks!

Faith walked into the living room after having trained with the Potentials and found it – as usual – crowded with little girls watching TV. She let out a sigh and headed upstairs, thinking she might find some quiet up there. She ducked her head in a few rooms, all of the occupied except one. Buffy's room. **Ah, she won't mind if I'm here for a little while. She's not even here. **She thought. She found a magazine on the floor and settled herself on the bed.

"_Vogue_." She said aloud, smirking. "This could be interesting." She heard a noise from the closet and went over to investigate. She opened the door and jumped back. "Holy –,"

"Hello." It said in a creepy tone, cutting her off.

"Who the hell are you? Why are you in Buffy's room?"

"So many answers, Faith. Yet so many more questions."

"What's with the cryptic talk? What kind of demon are you?"

"I'm not demonic. I'm a deax ex machina."

"What?"

"If I told you, you would only have more questions instead of the answer which you seek."

"Wait a second…you look familiar. I think I saw you in a movie once."

"I come in many forms."

"It was real trippy and shit. The guy was like, a schizo."

"I have led many schizophrenics to their destined path, yes. I do not recall only one incident."

"Hmmm…I'm not schizophrenic, so why are you here?"

"You don't have to be."

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't ask the right one."

"You're only a movie character. Why should I even talk to you?"

"I wasn't in any movie myself, Faith."

"You weren't, were you?" She got a mischievous grin. "Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?"

His voice lowered into an odd sort of whisper. "Why do you wear that stupid man suit?" He thought about what he said for a second. "Damn it!" He said, finally speaking in a normal voice.

"So, how are you Paul?"

"Paul? Who's Paul?"

"Isn't that your name when you're not like, the Manipulated Dead or whatever?"

"Frank, Faith. It's Frank."

"Quit saying my name, a'right?" 

"Fine." He took his mask off and gave her a look (with his good eye, of course). "How did you even see that movie? It's only a cult classic. Not many people have even heard of it."

"I don't really remember. I think Spike brought it over one night. And by the way, wicked make-up job."

"Oh, no. It's real. Want to touch it?" He said, gesturing to his nastily screwed up, shot-out eye.

"Uh, no thanks. I think I'll have to pass this time."

"'K."

Some awkward silence followed, neither one of them really knowing what to say. "So," Faith said, trying to break some ice. "What are you doing here, really?"

"Oh. Yeah. It's kind of funny…" He snickered. "See, I was supposed to make you think you were schizophrenic and get you to kill yourself. I didn't think you would have seen the movie." She got a confused look. "Cause you know, I'm the first." 

She nodded. "Oh, I get it. But you know, I have to say that was a pretty good idea. Too bad, though."

"Yeah, too bad."

"Sorry about foiling your plan."

"Oh, don't sweat it. See you later, ok?"

"Sure."

He put his mask back on and walked into the closet where a swirly thing had appeared. "Wormhole." He explained before being dragged back into his rightful plane of existence. 

NOTE: That 'deax ex machina', if I got the right words, means 'god from the machine' and its something Donnie mumbles at one point and it has this history of Greek origin of a god who comes down and resolves the plot. Also: Review, please! ;-)


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